“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” – Cameron
“College”. – Sloane
“Yeah. But to do what?”. – Cameron
“What are you interested in?” – Sloane
…Pause…
“Nothing”. – Cameron
~Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
As a child and teen my family would often make fun of me for being indecisive. In the rare occasion of going out to eat, I had a hard time deciding what to order. My mom and dad would often help me choose what they thought I would like. I was a pretty picky eater too. That didn’t help.
We were taught to work and save our money and use our own money when we wanted something, such as clothes, toys, fishing gear and other “non-essential” things. These types of purchases were the most difficult for me. I had such a hard time choosing between at shirt or pants or jacket, knowing I had limited money to spend. I would think about everything, the different colors, sizes (it had to be a little bigger so I could grow into it), cost, would I have enough for the taxes. It always felt like I was under pressure. Of course all of these purchasing decisions were inconsequential. I still like to take my time when buying groceries or shopping for clothes, but have much less pressure than when I was a kid.
Knowing what you want in life as a young person is nearly impossible and sometimes very difficult even as an older person. It’s a little silly to think that a teenager entering college is really going to know what they want to do as a career. I had no idea. As a young person you don’t know what you don’t know. As Donald Rumsfeld, the former Secretary of Defense, says,
“There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”
Despite feeling that you have things figured out in high school and even more so in college, you really don’t. The sooner you can accept that the sooner you can get on to know what you want. So how do you get to know what you want in life? First off, understand that this is a slow, ongoing process no matter how you tackle it.
Two ways that may be helpful is through trial and trust.
Trial is simply trying something to see if you like it or not. When I was in 7th and 8th grade everyone would try out for sports teams, such as volleyball and basketball. Having the individual skill and athletic ability I was somehow able to make the teams, however I didn’t have any experience playing organized team sports. I eventually discovered that I didn’t like playing on these teams. I didn’t know the plays. I didn’t have friends on the team. I wasn’t at the level of most of the others on the team. It just wasn’t fun for me. As I went into high school and had the opportunity to try out for team sports, I passed on it because I had learned what I wanted or in this case didn’t want to do. For me, this was also the case for different jobs, places to live and relationships. The more willing you are to try new things and assess yourself, the more you will learn about yourself.
Trust in this context is belief in advice or teachings you think will eventually be true. I was taught that getting married and having children would bring happiness and fulfillment. At 20 years old it’s hard for anyone to grasp the concept of what marriage and having kids really means. I knew those things were very important, but had zero experience with it. It’s not like I could “test” a marriage or having kids. Sometimes through people you trust, prayer, and studying you have to make your own decisions in what you think you want. Sometimes those decisions will turn out well for you and confirm that that thing is indeed what you wanted. But sometimes they will not turn out well and you will figure out that is not what you wanted.
Marriage and having kids has truly been a journey of great happiness and deep fulfillment for me.
An example of me believing in something that was taught to me that I that I thought I wanted, but turned out to be something I didn’t want were my first few jobs out of college. You’re normally taught to graduate from college and find a safe secure job in corporate America. My first job after college was a food and beverage manager for a hospitality company. I realized I didn’t want that. My next job was a banker at a local bank branch. I quickly realized I didn’t want that. My next job were multiple positions over years in a chemical company. I didn’t want to do that either. After that one, I did figure out what I wanted to do, which was to be an entrepreneur. This process took about 10 years.
Knowing what you want can take time, so it’s good to start early. It can be messy. Full of ups and downs. It’s inevitable that you will have to “taste” many things to figure out what you want. It’s important to stop, reflect and realize after each of your decisions to have a better understanding of what you want and don’t want.
Gradual Ascent 